My Most Black Swan Dreams

Black Swan - an unpredictable or unforeseen event, typically one with extreme consequences

If I could apologize to everyone I should, I’d gladly take all the time that I would need

Should there be a way for me to find just a little grace, you can bet that I would surely seek it

Give me but the time to practice a bit of mercy and I would become quite accomplished

If there was a way to thank all those helping me so invisibly, why, I would do it publicly

If I could stop my organic wastes from ever again polluting, you can bet I would

If it could only be, I would not generate any more plastic trash

Were there another way, my car would not belch a single molecule of CO2

If it were possible, these soaps and creams of ours would not harm those graceful fish

If I could stem our swarming, destructive overpopulation, why you know, I just might

I would gladly ban the wasteful, foolish, childlike religious practice known as war

I could happily do without soulless widgets of factory holocaust meat, given tasty alternatives

If possible, I would even turn off every wasteful, paranoid night light, just to see the stars

I would generate my own clean power right at home, given a real opportunity

If I never had to commute to work again, that would suit me just fine

Where can I buy but things not made by far off wage slaves working 14 hour days?

If I could make the choice, my lawn would not be merely an expensive, wasteful, poisonous carpet

If I could only make it so, I would decree that my greed become quite a bit less wasteful

With the right opportunity, I could possibly gain just a touch of humility

Given half a chance, I would tax all forms of noise above a certain decibel

If I would ever run for office, no one else but me would be writing my speeches

If someone like me could become a tabloid star, this would not be the world that we know so well

Should I get elected, neither party nor lobbyist would get to call my dancing tune

When I would finally stop trying to be different, I could start to make a real difference

If I could give up everything, I might finally see how much excess I actually have

If there was a way, I would stop up my lame complaining with a little real work

Should the greedy not take such cynical advantage, I could volunteer more time

You would see a different person if I could just view things in a different light

If I could shed my love of violence, I might find some small trace of tranquility within

If we knew our fathers, generations back, perhaps we would not scorn all the elders

Should I actually find something to say at last, I might lose my fear of silence

Given a new religion, I would put my vast but unused reservoir of faith to some good use

If I had some real reasons, I could dispense with all of my half-baked excuses

If it were just left up to me, I would try and slow this fleeting blur

If I could but begin again, I’m certain I could correct all the errors of my pride and folly

If I finally became conscious, I’d undo all the damage I have so thoughtlessly brought forth

If I lost my voice but had learned but a single song, I bet I could hum it silently, forever

Vagabond Koans (1)

West Slope Sierra

Utterly impressed by their sheer size

They made sure they could cut them down

Now only giant stumps lay decomposing

neither logging nor tourist jobs remain

………

in the land of milk and honey, organic internet

there are still small towns with real people

where a young man might make a living for a family

while thirty million thirsty souls swarm the smoggy cities

………

basso profundo pickup truck

shatters peaceful predawn stillness

dumbass rumble at last dissipates

merciful silence refills his empty space

………

in the creaking breeze awaiting,

the stroke of god in the sunlight

bursting out with pregnant silence

mere sequoia emitting oxygen and grace

………

buying wood for the metal campfire ring

to cook the trout dumped from a truck

locked safely within his mobile modular

behold the happy camper

………

warm against the autumn frost

quiet there beside the lake

soaking in that radiant silence

full moon sets at nearly dawn

………

still gurgling over polished autumn granite

slurping into holes and eddies

sierra stream carries on its business

and then the reservoir

………

from out the wide smog-choked, dusty central valley

sheer sierra wilderness rises to catch the snow

the big trees and bigger mountains soar

barely beyond it spreads that awful desert

No Need To Protest Once They're Done

It’s hard for them to miss what they were too young to have ever seen

There’s just no sense in protecting anything that’s been gone so long already

Once they’ve disappeared there’s no need to fight over their extinction

Won’t have to try and save it if it was bulldozed so many years ago

There’s no point in boycotting that new Wal*Mart once the doors are open

Ain’t no way to stop this self-destructive process that we know simply and surely as progress

They aren’t going to get worked up over your old and faded pictures

It won’t matter anymore, anyway, when nobody else remembers

Once it’s been so hot for a hundred years no one alive will know any better

Just bulldoze those native artifacts and keep the work on schedule

Soon you won’t even be able to imagine how this all was before we came

They’ll say, ‘There’s no way you could have ever swam in this awful river’

No need now to preserve what’s been paved beneath this parking lot

Who cares that, over there, was where we used to keep our horses

Won’t make a bit of difference anyway, after a couple million years

No sense in arguing after all the trees are cut

Anyway, there’s still a few of them left, over at the zoo

Don’t have to file suit now since that marsh has been all drained

Forget about the bag limits, all the good fish are gone and the rest are full of poison

Why, they never even took the time to listen to all them songbirds, anyhow

No need for public hearings once it’s been graded flat and all paved over

It’s probably just always been really noisy around here, in any case

Can’t let the bears live too near our kids in their happy new backyards

It’s hard for them to try and restore what they neither created nor destroyed

Once we’ve broken ground there’s never any more objections

So, what actually was the point, in the way it was before

No way that this was ever just quiet rural farmland, in any case

When we are done, nobody will even listen to those squishy whiners

They won’t fight for things now gone, so far beyond their imaginations

Once we’re done extracting, there’s no profit whatsoever in restoration

Now that there’s this new road through here, why not add just a strip mall alongside?

After that, some cheap apartments over there won’t make any difference, anyhow

It’s gonna happen one way or another, so might as well get in on the money

They can fix up their little yards if they really need to try and make a difference

Now that it’s gone it’s just some NewAge fairytale to be dismissed with raucous, scornful laughter

No need to get offended now, it’s all been settled in accordance with our laws and tradition

Dawn Patrol

In the quiet coolness of the early morning, it’s best not to rush around or lay asleep

In this brief interlude we can try to restore a certain measure of calm and levelheaded thinking

There’s lots of time when the sun is high to do more than a full day of work

But the early morning light is a precious thing of which there never is quite enough

As the end of night begins turning gray you can often even see right back into the past

A bit of fading sleep intoxication only adds to the wonder

Maybe a full moon still casts its own shadows, even after a pale December sunrise

In june the sky takes a while to fully waken because dawn comes so very early

You’ve got to stand outside first, just to be sure that all the stars are still in place

You must watch the colors slowly return with the advancing pre-dawn light

It is a waste of life’s best hour to hurry about blindly, just to get to work

This time is yours for contemplation, creation or some kind of meditation

The quiet hidden spring can be located before the noise of our folly fully resumes

The center of that large circle can be found and marked once again

The day of the week surely does not matter for this time always belongs only to you

There’s not yet need to shout to be heard or to concentrate hard just to form simple thoughts

In the early morning clarity, the foolishness of all their bullshit becomes quite apparent

muddied thoughts have cleared overnight to briefly reveal what’s important, once again

And there is no mistaking when it is over for another day

It’s not like our foolish jobs which never seem to end

Maybe you will hear the calling of the gulls, doves, roosters or the waking songbirds

Sometimes there are only answers and you must match up the proper questions

You cannot hurry it or slow it or save it but you can simply be there to enjoy it

There are daily lessons and inspirations in the quiet change from dark to light

There is no way to see it changing, but when you glance away, it becomes subtly different

Look inside and the gathering day gathers you up as well

In the quiet of the early morning you can remain very still but nonetheless grow quite alert

Shattering this peaceful calm is not a task that should be so commonplace for us, as human beings

I cannot reconstruct my tortured path

I cant even remember the holiday I anticipated so much just five years ago this week

I have forgotten most of their foolish causes but still vaguely recall my many rages

I barely recollect any those so very vital projects they had me work on way back then

But I do recall with fondness how often we laughed heartily as they squirmed

I don’t remember the many media events that I just could not miss

I know that I had been drinking but I don’t know what we did

I remember that we were there but not really where it was

I do not recall most of those people I see in all of your old pictures

But, my chosen memories grow ever stronger, the more that I use them

I would like to forget his blinding avarice and my unwitting cruelty

I cannot reconstruct my tortured path on this grotesquely twisted journey

It was not at all easy to notice when it started, since I turned this gray so very slowly

I do not remember where we were going but, yeah, I guess we did see that

We both just smile when they tell us that we have not changed at all

I’m not sure how we got there but I recall what we ate

You remember, it was raining, so we just sat there in the car

It takes several minutes to recite just those places where I lived

What was that expensive hobby that came and went so long ago

I have forgotten the gifts we gave each other throughout those hurried years

I don’t remember all those who kicked me down, heading for the top

His name was there just a moment ago, on the tip of my tongue

I have no idea of her name but recall the grace within her walk

Sometimes I awake not knowing if I only just arrived in this unfamiliar place

Though her memories fade, my grandmother often appears clearly in my dreams

I don’t remember the last thing she said that time just before I never saw her again

At least I have forgotten most of the shitheads who parroted stupid orders to us

I cannot understand why I routinely drank myself into an un-refreshing sleep

Yes, I remember the name of that place you’re talking about, but not a thing about it

I still remember the way you smelled in that dress you bought down in Mexico

Before a certain time I have no memories of any kind, good or bad

When I pass once more into the void there will be no more new memories made

And I still don’t know where the old ones will go when I no longer tend them

Vagabond Koans (4)

NorCal

With every footstep dirt appears

Each activity makes a mess

In this fate of repetition

Why wipe the dust away again?

………

Chilly fog evaporates before a stiff damp breeze

October sun rolls over to sleep some more

Still the somber colors begin to reappear

Sharp bird calls pierce the sound of surf

………

Jumbled strata lie exposing multi-million years

Running free to the limits of their ropes on a Friday night

March of the seasons turning into long-term planetary cycles

Little Monday banking on small Friday once again

………

they reach out to grab but not to touch

they raise the volume to overcome their din

they strain to see for all their bright lights

they shout over top their simple thoughts

………

I sip my coffee condensing my latest dreams

Make good meals, stay clean and fit

Travel slowly between peaceful shelters

Play some music, read a book

………

always taking the easy path

peaceful gurgle around the boulders

quietly lapping on sandy shores

river talking where it is hurried

………

big plans for adventure with new skills

confidence born of inexperience

a foolish move at the wrong  moment

well-deserved and painful lesson learned

………

in the twilight, a forest road

off beyond the traffic noise

stately evergreens and a tinkling creek

thick pine needles beneath our bed

Darkness In Their Light

They bought items made and shipped from far away and they saved really big

Their jobs disappeared and others worked as slaves unable to afford what they made

Her bathrooms were always so clean and shiny and safe

Her antiseptic cleansers biologically selected the strongest pathogens for survival

He awoke in the Saturday darkness and drove far to the wilderness

At the trailhead to the lofty summit were already parked more than 50 cars

His lush green and manicured lawn was the envy of his good neighbors

It leached precious water loaded with eutrophifying fertilizer and toxic pesticides

They pointed, clicked and texted their way far out into the vast reaches of cyberspace

They rejected organized learning and spelling and syntax and grammar also eluded them

The country saved money eliminating preventative social and health programs

They ignored that required new jails and emergency services proved even more expensive

The president emerged, firm in his beliefs, after talks with his personal savior

The imams were unbending in their narrow interpretations of their infallible Koran

They had real jobs cutting down trees those foolish tourists spent money just to see

When they were done there were no longer any jobs because no more stupid tourists came

They counted on an increasing population to pay the debts of their wondrous times

Subsequent generations lived in ignorant poverty on a shattered and overcrowded planet

He enjoyed his pricey morning latte and needed to get out for lunch in his new car

At 50 his services were no longer required and he realized he had saved nothing at all

They clamored for freedom and local control of their natural resources

Outside developers bought them out for pennies and built empty, gated second homes

They spent trillions building the most powerful military the world had ever known

Their greatest threat was a scraggly band in sandals that eluded them for years

They realized they could no longer stay the course

But they knew well that they must never cut and run

Executive perqs and compensation increased some sixteenfold

Meanwhile, real worker spending power declined by nearly 12%

They flocked to their beloved seashore to raise families and retire in the sand

They drained the wetlands, eroded the beaches and polluted the ocean with their wastes

She was uninjured after missing the stop sign due to her kids and her cellphone

But that compact economy car was destroyed - Thank god giant SUVs are so very safe

He could quote movie stars and commercials as well as a myriad of sports trivia

As he lay dying he finally realized his own thoughts were few and unconsidered

The dam provided inexpensive electricity and eliminated the threat of floods

The rich silt no longer fertilized the valley farms and fishing livelihoods were lost

The industry advisors spoke with one voice regarding the country’s energy policy

Their society was left supporting terrorists with every tank of gas they wasted

She took great care of herself, watched her diet and did not drink

She died thin and pretty and having not recognized anyone for more than twenty years

Ancient traditions had sustained their Asian society for several millennia

In a rush to modernization they lost their culture and destroyed their environment

Concentrating all week on those two short days off from the endless work to come

But every weekend was lost just the same in a dusty, noisy, swirling blur

Always fighting deadlines and following tight and pressured schedules

They finished way late without any fanfare because, in reality, no one really cared

Sensing the creator everywhere from all his works so close at hand

Swallowing dusty scripture without masticating, like little black pills of literal truth

Springing from the void into mother’s warmth and safety

Ascending into paradise or maybe just decaying into dust once again

I Blinded Myself And Things Got Better

I blinded myself and it made things seem better

I always made sure that I wished to see before I looked

I filtered out the disagreeable in realtime as I listened

I presumed and only then would I try to understand

I put things together just the way I wished that they would fit

I discarded pieces with odd shapes or unpleasant colors

I magnified and expanded that which I found pleasing

I jammed and nailed stuff together which did not really match

I ignored those facts that did not support my beliefs

I quickly forgot things I could not agree with

I did not listen carefully to everything they told me

I swallowed uncritically when it suited my agenda

I rarely played if I could not win

I left things out when I told my stories

I did not do much but still got full credit

I wasted time but let them say that I worked

I made artificial sense out of a mindless confusion

I convinced myself that there really was a trail that I followed

I questioned their false arguments to the finest detail

I overlooked things when necessary without even noticing

I bit my tongue almost accidentally instead of speaking up

I mouthed party lines paid to be written by some and spoken by others

I kept very quiet as all of that kept happening

I opened my mouth when I was certain that it was safely too late

I believed it when they said I was my own worst enemy

I blinded myself and it brought me some relief

I buried myself in their endless projects, all amounting to nothing

I crawled into the bottle on my own precious little free time

I got faith and it cured me of those questions which had nagged me

I just tithed weekly down at my media-spectacular mega-church store

I joined the club and signed up for the trip

I let others steer since I still had many things to do

I filtered my experience through a semi-permeable layer of dogma

I found the choices they presented to be clear and our path straightforward

I focused unquestioningly upon implanted inspirations

I blinded myself even though my eye had never offended me

Anonymous Cosmic Mercy

The night sky always fills with a billion stars and the Milky Way

The moon waxing, waning and carries in that fresh and renewing tide

The vast world ocean seen from space, so tiny and blue brings tears to the eyes

Sunrise following sunset all the days of our short but merry little lives

Fresh breezes awaken under clearing skies beneath clean ocean swells

Trout somehow wriggle in tiny streams at 9000 feet of elevation

Snow-capped mountains irrigate endless undulating evergreen forests

A night spent in its coolness exposes the beauty of the open desert

An ancient, old-growth, climax woodland spreads its magic silence

We walk as the earth rotates in its orbit about the sun as it circles our moving galaxy

Truth expands at the speed of light in all directions with no issuing center

Words and images surprise even the artist in their flow from some hidden spring

Eureka inspiration instantaneously solves a long-considered problem

The instinctual urge to love is nourished by the inborn need to be cared for

Holy steaming volcano wreathed in glaciers noses toward the heavens

Inner peace commences, brought on by a gentle rain, beneath a sheltering roof

The entirety of the universe-wide life force echoes fractally on this one small planet

The simple starkness of the limitless and eternal void invisibly surrounds us

The blackness between the stars amid its vast silence envelops our feeble shouts

Grand potency of giant storms coming ashore from far away, places us in our context

The apple tree stands poised in true grace for days, dropping silently spinning blossoms

Tiny streams of consciousness drain into the vast collective unconscious sea

The helplessness expressed by the myriad companion infant life forms entangles us

The wonder of all the microbial cosmos is seen within one simple drop of pond water`

Those trillion separate living cells work together to form one human being

A supreme, indolent adaptation is casually expressed by the vanishing cats of the world

That wondrous black skin and colorless fur disappears right along with the polar bear

The unnecessary gifts called language, culture and self-contemplation amaze us

Waking up every morning, amazingly we find senses and memories both still intact

Whales tail-sail in huge white-capped seas off the African coast just for sport

A tiny shaded stream trickles in a canyon in the midst of some pitiless desert

Dragonflies flicker on their prismatic latticed-winged fairytale lifetime journeys of mere days

The blind good fortune sustains us through no fault of our own

The mantra of the ocean is heard while meditating at a distance from the shore

At last some may realize that they are unable to lose any time, any more

We could be amazed by the rebirth of potential that comes with each and every morning

An opportunity for quiet contemplation is afforded by the lengthening shadows of the fall

A warm shower and feeling clean clothes when it’s been way too long may be a rebirth

Lost sight is miraculously recovered looking through a pair of inexpensive glasses

There is a wonder to formulas which can compute physical phenomena such as gravity

I can even calculate the exact percent of the sun’s energy as it strikes my nose

Life on earth continually re-flourishes despite repeated mass extinctions

We totemize the phenomenal visual acuity of the magnificent birds of prey

There is a sweet spot between the muggy heat of Venus and the bitter dry cold on Mars

The power of mere mental images can spur so much human action

The wolves move in so quietly to resettle their former habitats

With a profusion of languages we all strive to say exactly the same things

The perfection expressed by the common house fly is revealed upon closer inspection

Hummingbird flights become total ballet in ultra slow motion photography

We join the apparent movement of long thunderclaps as they rumble across the horizon

How very long these few very short years can seem to our shortsighted consciousness

A billion separate raindrop prisms conjoin to form a perfect single rainbow

Some of us thoughtlessly enjoy hot water, light, heat and a gas cooking fire on demand

We strive to be totally spent and drained, yet full of a hungry joy

Ice-capped mountains wrinkle up in the collision of vast and thin crustal plates

Driving along at 60 miles per hour we can merely observe as the world passes by

These brief sparks of self-awareness inside the boundless blank that may be the void

Help Me To Express Myself In Silence

Help me to find that place just before the happily ever after

Help me to find all those people I keep feeling that I must still meet

Help me to find out where I was during all that lost time

Help me to find those other ways to see and to hear

Help me to listen and to make sure that I can still feel

Help me to overcome these nonsensical fears

Help me not speak just to fill up good silence

Help me to find the path again as I move on every morning

Help me fill the emptiness that slowly replaces my anger

Help me to find just a little time to catch that next oncoming sunset

Help me to live up to my always meager but ever-decreasing potential

Help me to stay up late, sleep soundly and rise very early

Help me to know to ford where the river is slow and shallow enough

Help me to bring back memories from the world in which I sleep

Help me to focus as I am swirled about like dust in a storm

Help me to find all my sheep before this darkness is complete

Help me to find a quiet place to rest as night falls again

Help me to move on though all the work is clearly not done

Help me to laugh loudly and openly, early and often

Help me to put down the bright toys of time-wasting illusion

Help me to merge with the grace of the apple tree as it blossoms

Help me to understand the things that flow from my own creation

Help me to peel back the petals of life’s lotus blossom mandala

Help me to think deeply without harboring any thoughts at all

Help me to know my position as I trace out life’s finite circle

Help me to pray continuously, without words, to no god at all

Help me to use simple silence to express all I ever need to say

Help me to find mercy in this hot and angry, loudly-shouting crowd

Help me to merely achieve the dignity and usefulness of one decaying tree