Showing posts with label missing pieces. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missing pieces. Show all posts

Monday, April 18, 2011

Long After One More Lost Holiday

Coming back from some long lost weekend or another,
You asked me did I remember such and such or so and so
It was from a time in a place that I had previously long awaited
But it took me a while to dredge up a couple jumbled recollections

Then I tried to remember the distinct holidays from different years
But there was no ordered collection with little notes and titles on their spines
There was this hazy blur from which things sometimes arose,
Like fish rising from the depths of murky moving water

All those highly-anticipated, well-orchestrated life events gone by
Full of joy and recreation, people and relaxation,
Now tumbled about on my rough journey in a worn out box of memories
Events and details mixed up forever, far beyond any disentanglement

After the holiday, came the realization of the once again onrushing ordinary
I never had time to unpack and to file our time together
It quickly disappeared in our daily wake, right along with your suntan
Sometimes I found its artifacts as I cleaned out the garage

For some reason or whatever we ask each other
Where were we on that Labor Day, three years ago
I could not remember what we had done
You did not recall where we had stayed

The kids do not remember all those special places that we took them
Your mother died 5 years ago asking for you to go and bring you to her
I find another page of recollections that I give up trying to put in order
We both draw blanks and we just look back through each other’s eyes

After the holiday, as I awaken, before the first visit of my morning nurse

Friday, April 15, 2011

They Win But We're Not Playing


They’ll cash in big, real soon now, on real estate, hot stocks or maybe even gold
We never gamble, don’t buy new cars and so very rarely even go out for dinner

They still spend more than they earn on things they casually ruin, then quickly discard
We saved enough to retire early but we continue buying their new castoffs at the thrift stores

Five days a week and fifty weeks a year they toil in nondescript obscurity
We’re making more than that on just the interest from our nerdy savings

Got to have that flash new sports sedan and the latest giant whatever screen TV
We live large and free driving old cars among them - And they do not even see us

Chained to credit cards and mortgages, their spoiled children act as a heavy ballast
It’s so nice to be debtless and not even have any rent to pay…except for health insurance

They march at precise and artificial angles laid out by simpering project managers
Finally cast aside for good, our days of narrow specialization are done at last

Heading up and moving out on all those weekends which are so quickly forgotten
We spend months wandering this land, often just trying hard simply to avoid their herds

Loading up on lattes, Big Gulps, and drive-thrus they spend freely and grow fat
We buy the good stuff raw and cook it up ourselves, while sipping an inexpensive tea

They get real work done on their cells even while languishing for hours in endless traffic jams
Our slow pace infuriates them on their busy ways to their latest very important tasks

Their children cannot read or write despite all their attentions and the latest in meds
We wonder every day at the shabbier world their parents are de-constructing for them

They get news between commercials and their opinions are spun from clever sound bites
We spit out media pellets like our dogs cough out the bitter pills we place into their food

They save a lot at Wal*Mart while imports rise in proportion to jobs disappearing
We find that which lasts, even in the modern world, still remains the best

They push each other’s buttons to get their readouts on phony litmus issues
We play acting like we really care about either side of their deliberately false choices

Living for today was always real exciting but what do they remember now?
The fast times they enjoy have passed us by at last and we are not sad to see them gone

They are happy being spoon-fed their fundamentalist, evangelical beliefs
We are free to contemplate the terrible emptiness that approaches so very fast

They love fireworks, making noise and the excitement of crowds of clones
We search for peaceful quiet places, trying to fit in without making a mess

They eagerly suckle on all the pious bullshit RE: ‘ThE greatest country on the planet’
Now we hide our passports in shame traveling to places they cannot find on maps

They strive so hard to make their unique mark within the confines of the herd
We regularly get the crap kicked out of us by them for being a little different

Their rights include free clean air, unlimited good water from their taps and cheap garbage removal
We see what people in upstream places pour back for the towns down below them to enjoy

In their constrained view it’s animals and trees versus people, jobs and our sacred way of life
We are cursed by the belief that we are destroying the very web of life that supports our society

Ancient, ignored and irrelevant history slides along, an ancient 10 to 15 years behind them
We consider some of our thoughts in light of the estimated age of the universe

Theirs is satisfaction in fertilized, poisoned, over-watered factory bluegrass
We look to experience climax forests with their food chains entirely intact

They want either money from the government or the right to kill any wolf they see
We want their welfare cattle to stop abusing our federal lands for next to nothing

They search for the cheapest factory foods, never mind its manner of production
We want to eat cleanly, morally and sustainably and will gladly pay a little more to do it

They never miss reality shows, packaged corporate ‘big games’ or special presentations
We found if you ignore them, such bees quickly stop buzzing between your ears

They idle their SUVs in air-conditioned comfort awaiting their fast food orders
We try to find the shade when it’s hot and stir up something cool to drink

Their patriotic acceptance of our dEfense costs us nearly a trillion, every year
We see no justification in spending more than all rest of the countries combined

They feel safe driving overpriced, inefficient dinosaurs designed to wear out quickly
We enjoy our tiny fuel-efficient cars, full of gizmos and very comfortable

Make theirs quick, hyper-sweetened, greasy-fat-laden and heavily caffeinated
We’ll have the more subtle, smaller, whole-grain, homemade portions, please

They pursue angry recreation in noisy, smoggy, devastating gas-powered toys
We hike, swim, ski, surf, kayak, board - And can still hear our surroundings

Theirs is a world of backbiting, political intrigues and private boardroom schemes
Our quiet search of self-discovery reveals the destruction spreading out about their footprints

Their god commands they conquer the land and treat its creatures in any way they deem fit
Our beliefs tend towards mutual survival within largely intact ecosystems

They feel safe behind locked doors within brightly-lit, gated and patrolled communities
We camp alone in empty places and draw peace from the starry stillness

Their god moves about in his mysterious and fundamentalist ways
Our god has no will or message and neither watches over nor awaits us

They leave a tattered, overpopulated world to their very special children
We blew off reproduction in protest of their vast and thoughtless destruction

They plaster their faces, get botoxed and send their poodles off to the spas
We push aside most of their designer castoffs pawing through the thrift stores

Their new 300 horsepower SUV gives them a sense of pride and security
Our aging Japanese economy cars simply make more sense to us

They flaunt their financed luxuries in hopes all the world will be impressed
We hide our wealth and travel like burnt-out gypsies on pilgrimages to real experiences

They look away when they meet us walking, say in the grocery store
We try to ignore them in their idling mortgaged cars, talking noisily on their phones

Their giant empty second homes are where their families might someday gather
Our persistence retains the access to the public lands they are trying to fence off

Their children fuel the market for garishly colored cereal shot through with sugar
Cheap hot dogs and pus-like white buns would go bad if it were only us buying

They have rolled more long term credit card debt into their houses than they are worth
We sold our place before their greedy speculative bubble began to pop

Their taste for excitement, color, noise and crowds keeps their senses full
Our search for quiet peace and tranquility always begins with avoiding them

They sternly lecture everyone that maintenance of the economy must come first
We just don’t see how this wasteful circus could play on for a thousand years

They control the human landscape and to them so-called progress is quite inevitable
We will be extinguished due to their actions, right along beside them

I cannot reconstruct my tortured path

I cant even remember the holiday I anticipated so much just five years ago this week
I have forgotten most of their foolish causes but still vaguely recall my many rages
I barely recollect any those so very vital projects they had me work on way back then
But I do recall with fondness how often we laughed heartily as they squirmed

I don’t remember the many media events that I just could not miss
I know that I had been drinking but I don’t know what we did
I remember that we were there but not really where it was
I do not recall most of those people I see in all of your old pictures

But, my chosen memories grow ever stronger, the more that I use them
I would like to forget his blinding avarice and my unwitting cruelty
I cannot reconstruct my tortured path on this grotesquely twisted journey
It was not at all easy to notice when it started, since I turned this gray so very slowly

I do not remember where we were going but, yeah, I guess we did see that
We both just smile when they tell us that we have not changed at all
I’m not sure how we got there but I recall what we ate
You remember, it was raining, so we just sat there in the car

It takes several minutes to recite just those places where I lived
What was that expensive hobby that came and went so long ago
I have forgotten the gifts we gave each other throughout those hurried years
I don’t remember all those who kicked me down, heading for the top

His name was there just a moment ago, on the tip of my tongue
I have no idea of her name but recall the grace within her walk
Sometimes I awake not knowing if I only just arrived in this unfamiliar place
Though her memories fade, my grandmother often appears clearly in my dreams

I don’t remember the last thing she said that time just before I never saw her again
At least I have forgotten most of the shitheads who parroted stupid orders to us
I cannot understand why I routinely drank myself into an un-refreshing sleep
Yes, I remember the name of that place you’re talking about, but not a thing about it

I still remember the way you smelled in that dress you bought down in Mexico
Before a certain time I have no memories of any kind, good or bad
When I pass once more into the void there will be no more new memories made
And I still don’t know where the old ones will go when I no longer tend them

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Vagabond Koans (4)

NorCal
With every footstep dirt appears
Each activity makes a mess
In this fate of repetition
Why wipe the dust away again?

………
Chilly fog evaporates before a stiff damp breeze
October sun rolls over to sleep some more
Still the somber colors begin to reappear
Sharp bird calls pierce the sound of surf

………
Jumbled strata lie exposing multi-million years
Running free to the limits of their ropes on a Friday night
March of the seasons turning into long-term planetary cycles
Little Monday banking on small Friday once again

………
they reach out to grab but not to touch
they raise the volume to overcome their din
they strain to see for all their bright lights
they shout over top their simple thoughts

………
I sip my coffee condensing my latest dreams
Make good meals, stay clean and fit
Travel slowly between peaceful shelters
Play some music, read a book

………
always taking the easy path
peaceful gurgle around the boulders
quietly lapping on sandy shores
river talking where it is hurried

………
big plans for adventure with new skills
confidence born of inexperience
a foolish move at the wrong  moment
well-deserved and painful lesson learned

………
in the twilight, a forest road
off beyond the traffic noise
stately evergreens and a tinkling creek
thick pine needles beneath our bed

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

No Time To Lose Once Again

I got no time to lose, whoa up, in fact I’m already late once again
There’s always something else I’ve just got to hurry up to get over with

I’m trying to save a little more time without cutting any real corners
Once I get a bit ahead I’ll betcha we’ll escape from this hurried blur

I’ve got this pressure from their agenda bearing down upon me
I’m working hard to hold up my tiny edge of their blanket of corporate illusion

I’ve got no time to lose so I can only stay for just a minute
There was something else I needed to ask you about, but now I have to go

I’m planning on a short retreat to get in touch with my inner self
Gotta roll right now though, there’s so much left to do today

Woke up real early cause I worked way too late again last night
Gonna catch up on some sleep just as soon as this thing settles down

I’m running a little behind again so I’m just driving a little faster
I’ll grab something on the way and call you from the airport

I’ve got no time to lose since our asses are all hanging out
I’m not sure of what I’m  learning but I’ll sort that all out later

I was blinded by a glimpse of the sunrise as I pulled onto the freeway
Scheduled some time with my mom and only took a couple of calls

The kids don’t appreciate that there are other things that I’d like to be doing
They’ll thank me for it later when we can all get away together

It’s just that I’m behind the curve and I can feel the 8 ball coming
If I should even slow my pace a bit our competition would thunder right on by us

I got no time to lose even though there’s something painful in my shoe
Yes, don’t worry, I’m concealing your quick and dirty behind their just for now

I’m still trying to get up to speed with our current vision going forward
I’m all tied up this month but we should get together with the kids real soon

I’ve got your phone and email somewhere so I’ll ping you sometime
But I gotta get moving on even faster cause I got no time to lose once again